Choosing to See

Recently, I've been struggling with the idea of community.

I've always been that girl that's surrounded by friends.

And not in a way the way that I wake up, look in the mirror and think " everyone wants to hang out with me".

But in a way that I truly thrive off of people.

And so I seek people out.

And I've been lucky enough that each season of my life has taken me to a place  where my idea of community has thrived,

When I was bored I always had someone to call,

Someone was willing to hang out,

Or sit on the couch and watch disgusting amounts of reality tv,

And those days could spread to the night,

Because we were the only ones we had to think about,

And we loved Tyra Banks.

But recently I've noticed,

In this season of change,

This past year-ish of life that has been sweet,

And scary,

And exciting,

And hard,

That this definition of community has had to look different,

Because all of a sudden, I've looked around,

And my people have new people,

Boyfriends and husbands and children,

And those people trump the ability to sit on the couch and binge on cookie dough and practicing "smizing" with your eyes.

Those people are more important,

And they should be more important,

And seasons of life ebb and flow,

But as someone who is just beginning to enter into this season where one man has to become my priority,

I've felt this change of community,

And I've taken it poorly.

I've cried,

I've pouted,

I've avoided the phone,

And I've tried to avoid the danger of emotionally eating by choosing to eat an insane amount of rice cakes which, word to wise, helps very little with a chocolate craving. Just eat one scoop of icecream and call it a day. 

I've had lots of conversations with Jesus because at the end of the day,

I missed what I had,

And longed for what's ahead,

And saw nothing but loneliness in the current. 

But this weekend, I was given another picture of God's faithfulness and sweetness,

And was reminded that no matter the season, you can find community,

If you're willing to look.

If you're willing to stop comparing to what has been,

And what could be,

And simply sit in the now.

Sit in the sweetness of breakfast conversations,

And Panera run ins,

And home cooked dinners that you can attend while wearing your pajamas,

And couch dreamings,

And choose to see what God has placed in front of you.

To choose to see the His faithfulness,

And choose to stop comparing,

And choose to just be.

My community may look different,

And it may involve more nights at home,

And less Tyra Banks.

But in the end, it's just as sweet,

And just as real,

And just as necessary.

And that even as seasons of life change, 

And my picture of community morphs,

I have a God that is ever constant,

And who longs for my heart to be close enough to His,

To see where the sweetness in this seasons lies.