I sit here today marveling at the difference a year can make.
A year ago, I sat tired, confused, scared about what my next step in life would be.
I could feel God pulling me away from a place that I loved,
People I loved,
A place where beautiful friendships were formed,
And for the first time, I felt like being Katie,
Just truly being me,
Was a great person to be.
This place brought me life,
It brought me growth,
It brought me joy,
It brought me a greater faith.
But yet, still,
I felt a tugging,
Actually, more like a ripping,
Because I'm stubborn, and such brute force was probably necessary.
A ripping,
A call,
A yell,
That my heart was supposed to find rest somewhere else.
And I resented that call,
I resented being called away from a place that I felt so much at home,
But yet,
Through the tears,
And through the fighting,
And through the confusion,
My heart was still tugged,
And I found myself ripped out of my comfort zone.
My heart was no longer at home,
My heart was no longer at peace,
My heart was tender,
And fragile,
And scared.
And today, I sit grateful for that ripping.
Because without the ripping,
My heart would never have been tender enough to experience all of the gifts that came from this next leap.
Without the overwhelming tenderness,
My heart would never have been able to experience the overwhelming relief that comes from mourning a loss,
And watching your heart grow from it.
Without the loneliness of sitting in an apartment alone,
There would not have been the gratefulness that comes when a new friend opens up the door of their home.
Without the fear of living the rest of your life single in the suburbs,
There would never have been the joy in seeing God craft your own personal love story.
Without the ripping,
There would never have been the laughing,
And the missing,
And the stretching,
And the loving,
And the gratefulness,
And the tears,
And the discovery,
That sometimes, all of these things can stem out of a place of pain.
That sometimes,
It's a place of pain,
A place of wandering,
A place of leaping,
A place of not knowing,
That can be the place of the greatest growth,
The greatest joy,
And in return,
The greatest faith.
