A Letter From Me

Recently, I've had the blessing to be a part of a group of women who meet every other week to talk about where we want to be in five years, and how in the world were going to get there.

Honestly, when we first began, the task was daunting.

I have no idea what my big goals are for five years- I don't know what I'm having for lunch tomorrow yet.

I don't know what my big dreams are- because dreaming big seems so scary.

So when we were tasked to write a letter to a friend as if it were ten years from today, and write it assuming that everything has gone to our dreams and plans, I was a bit skeptical.

But as I sat down to write tonight, I was so encouraged by the picture that was painted in my mind that I just had to share and ask the question to you- if you had to write a letter to your best friend in ten years, what would you want it to say? And, how are you going to get there?

This is my letter. I'm sorry about the length- I guess I just have a lot of big dreams.

                                            3.25.24

Dear friend,

Wow. 35. When did that happen? How did the last ten years just fly by? I shudder to believe that we are just five years from 40. Everything about that idea is frightening. And as much as the idea of being alive for four decades makes me want to vomit, I look back at the past ten years and only feel one thing- grateful. 

I am grateful for my husband. I'm grateful that I waited for The Lord to surprise me. I'm grateful that I never gave up praying for him, because it made the moment when we were standing in front of our friends and family and I could say wholeheartedly " I prayed for you everyday" that much sweeter. I'm grateful I chose a man that keeps me laughing. I'm grateful that I chose a man that runs after The Lord. I'm grateful I chose a man that continues to pursue me, even when I'm at my most unloveable. I'm grateful that I chose a man, and didn't just take the first one that walked by because I was feeling lonely or insecure. I'm grateful  I chose this man.

And as grateful as I am for this man, I'm also grateful for those years I spent without him. I'm grateful for the friendships I was able to develop, the skills I was able to learn, the places I was able to see, and most importantly, how that time required me to rely on God; how those years taught me to be a strong disciple of Jesus so when I finally did say " I do" I could stand in front of my husband, full and complete, made whole not by his presence, but by the presence of The Lord that drew us together. I'm grateful not a second of those years were wasted.

I'm grateful for our house- not because of it's size or how many fine things fill it's walls. I'm grateful for this house because it has been so full. Full of high school girls, sharing their secrets and their heart aches, full of college students needing a couch and a home cooked meal, full of our small groups that forced us to look at our relationship with God in a different way, full of friends and family  who made this city, and this house a home. I'm grateful because this house is full of laughter and snuggles and late night ice cream runs, and hours spent together. This house , our home, is full of memories, and the promise of so many more.

I'm grateful that life has constantly been an adventure. From worldwide travels to cross state road trips, and even just spontaneous karaoke date nights, I'm grateful that life has never been boring. And now, as we begin this adventure into the foster care world, I'm grateful for the change that adventure can bring.

And dear friend, what I'm most grateful for, over ever other amazing blessing in my life, is the fact that I have come to better understand the face and the personality of Jesus. I've begun to know the man that walked the same Earth as we do in such an intimate and close way that I'm able to call him friend. I've laughed with him, cried with him and through the giggles and through the weeping, I've begun to see myself as he sees me- funny, and beautiful, and full of

promise and purpose. I'm so grateful that I was able to begin to recognize what He sees when He looks at me.

So, 40 may be scary. And time might be rushing by faster day by day. But I have to take a step back, look around, and see how much I have to be grateful for.

Love,

Katie 

Chiqutio

I just got back from my first mission trip.

I got the joy of spending a week, leading a group of 22 amazing college students to a tiny village in the island of the Dominican Republic.

Batey Chiqutio.

Little Batey.

And as I was praying for this trip,

Praying for the students on the trip,

Praying for the people we were soon to meet,

My prayer was the same.

Lord, use this week to increase our faith.

And now that the trip is over,

And I've began to transition back into every day life,

The question has been asked-

What was your biggest take away from this trip?

How did the Lord work in your life in those seven days?

What did you learn in that amazing week spent among the people of Batey Chiquito?

And I don't know if it's because of the lack of sleep,

Or the withdrawal from the power of the Dominican coffee,

But those questions have left me stumped.

What was my biggest take away?

How did the Lord work in my life?

What did I learn among the people of Batey Chiquito?

And at first, I had to fight against guilt.

Did I really just go on a mission trip, and not have the some big, life changing moment?

Did I really just have one of the best weeks of my life and not learn anything?

Did the Lord really hear my prayer?

But as I've been praying, and thinking about those seven days, I've discovered that I've had a lot of takeaways,

That the Lord worked in my heart,

And that I learned,

But not in big, earth shattering moments.

In the small, in the simple, in the quiet moments.

I learned that a game of duck duck goose ( or pato pato ganso) can be fun in any language.

I learned that sometimes, sitting together on a bench outside, while all the wild chickens and goats run around your feet,  can be spent in silence, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I learned that the most generosity can come from those that have the least.

I learned that true worship doesn't have to come in a big church, but can be best felt when you're sitting in a plastic chair, on a patch of dirt, with a child sitting in your lap, and although you're singing in different languages, you know you're praising the same Lord.

I learned that true fellowship can come over massive amount of yuca.

I learned that the sweetest times of prayer can be spent walking down a dirt road.

I learned that you can learn more from the group that you're supposed to be leading then you actually teach.

I learned what true joy looks like, as well as true grief.

I learned what it truly means to have faith like a child,

To thank the Lord for your daily bread, ( or rice and beans)

And not focus on the worries of tomorrow.

So, maybe I didn't have any one life changing moment.

But I think I prefer the small moments.

I think I like the simple.

I think I like the quiet,

Because that's where your faith really starts to grow.

When you force yourself to stop,

And listen,

And hear how the Lord is working.

And hear how the Lord is moving.

And hear what you're supposed to be learning.

In the sounds of the scurrying of wild chickens and goats

In the sounds of children's laughter,

In the sounds of conversations peppered in English and Spanish, friendships started over a strong cup of coffee.

That's my biggest takeaway.

That's how the Lord worked in my heart.

That's what I choose to learn.

That sometimes, life changing moments don't have to be big.

Sometimes, life changing moments can be small.

Sometimes life changing moments can be chiquito.

The Waiting Game

I'm not very good at waiting.

Honestly, there are few things I hate more.

Going to the bank on my lunch hour makes me cringe, because I know how many people will be standing in that line.

Traffic stresses me out- which I'm pretty sure is one of the main reasons I moved out of Atlanta.

And I know I grow several grey hairs and overwork my gmail account by constantly checking my email after any kind of interview.

To me, waiting equals time lost.

Waiting is a punishment.

And so often, when it comes to the waiting we have to do in our life,

Waiting to meet that special someone,

Waiting to get that right job,

Waiting to have that child,

I think we view it as a a waste of precious time,

A punishment from the Lord.

I know I've often looked at my singleness through this lens.

"Think about all the memories we already could have shared if we had been that couple that met in high school,

Or college."

"Think about all those years that will be wasted, years not spent together."

And often, that kind of thinking starts to taint my picture of God,

And my understanding of His Love.

So, today, as I was reading a story in the Bible I've read so many times before,

One simple word caused me to step back,

And try and really see what God might be doing in this waiting.

Many of you have heard the story of Lazarus.

Lazarus, who was the brother of Mary and Martha was one of Jesus' best friends.

The Bible actually refers to Lazarus at "the one who Jesus loves".

Jesus had dined with Mary, Martha and Lazarus,

Rested with them,

Probably spent hours sitting around a table, talking and laughing.

So when Lazarus got deathly ill, Mary and Martha thought to send word to Jesus.

"Jesus, the one you love is sick".

And  when Jesus heard this He responded,

"This sickness will not end in death. No it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it".

And so Jesus stayed where He was.

He stayed put for two days.

And Lazarus died.

And, of course, Jesus returned to Lazarus' home and raised him from the dead shortly there after.

But if you were to just look at this first part of the story, it would be really easy to look at Jesus as heartless.

Why, when He could have saved Lazarus, did he wait and allow him to die?

Why did he cause Lazarus to suffer?

Why did he allow Mary and Martha to grieve for their only brother?

It sounds horribly cruel, unless you take the time to really look at two verses.

Really, one word in these two verses.

"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was for two more days."

So.

That one little word changed the way I looked at this story, and the way I choose to look at my life.

Jesus' waiting was not a response of punishment.

No, Jesus' waiting was a response of love.

A response of knowing that what they were going to see,

What they were going to experience,

Would be so much greater then what they could even imagine.

Sure, He could have ran to Lazarus and healed him before He died.

But He was giving Lazarus, and Mary and Martha,

The chance to play an even bigger part in this story,

A chance to witness one of the greatest miracles He ever would perform.

A chance to really see, and experience the saving grace of Jesus.

So today, I'm choosing to look at the waiting in my life as the same.

A response of love.

A response of knowing that what I am going to see,

What I am going to experience,

Is so much greater then what I could have ever imagined.

That this time of waiting,

And anytime of waiting from here on out,

Is a response of love,

And a chance to really see,

And really experience,

The saving grace of Jesus.