Small Answers

Last night, God answered one of my prayers.

It was a small prayer,

A prayer that I hadn't given a ton of thought,

A prayer that popped into my head as I was finishing up,

An answer, that not given much thought, could have gone unnoticed.

But, it was an answered prayer never the less.

A clear and tangible answer.

A clear and tangible example of God's love.

A clear and tangible example of God's provision.

A clear and tangible example, that when I ask,

Even off handedly,

The Lord cares.

I think that's what I love most about the Christmas season.

It's full of clear and tangible examples of love,

Of provision,

Of caring.

It's the time of the year that people go out of their way to tell someone they miss them,

Or that they're thinking about them,

Or that their presence in their life really makes a difference,

And maybe it's because I'm a person that loves gifts,

And a person that loves surprises,

But every single Christmas card that comes in the mail  feels like a clear and tangible example,

A soft and tiny whisper that says,

I love you,

I'm thinking about you.

I care about you.

And this tangibility that comes with Christmas is not surprising to me,

Because when you think about it,

Christmas is a yearly reminder that our God is one that loves clear and tangible answers,

Clear and tangible examples,

Clear and tangible reminders,

Of His love for us.

Christmas is a clear and tangible reminder,

That we serve a God that loved us so much,

That he sent His only son to Earth,

That we serve a God that listens,

And loves,

And provides,

And sent an answer to so many prayers,

In the form of a baby.

And that answer that changed the way we look at prayer,

Changed the way we look at love,

Changed the way we look at God.

So my prayer this Christmas season,

Is that my eyes will be opened,

To clear and tangible answers to prayer,

And my heart will be reminded of the clear and tangible answer,

That started it all.

Isaiah 7:14New International Version (NIV)

14 Therefore the Lord himself will give you[ a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.

The posts on this site are my own personal opinions. They are not read or approved by Southside Ministries, Inc. prior to posting and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Southside Ministries, Inc.

A Thanksgiving Prayer

It's that time of the year.

The time of the year that we attempt to slow down,

Sit back,

And reflect.

What are we blessed with?

What are we grateful for?

What are those bright and shiny moments,

the glitter in the everyday,

That makes the hard just a little less hard,

The moments that turn a life that could appear mundane,

Into a grand and epic adventure.

And as I'm sitting here,

In the midst of a lot of new,

A lot of the glitter,

Sitting smack dab in the middle of my grand and epic adventure,

 I sit back,

And say a Thanksgiving prayer.

A muddled,

Mixed up,

Hazy prayer.

A prayer that in the spirit of the holiday,

Is full of gratefulness,

But also a longing,

A request,

Not just for myself,

But for those that I love.

Because in these moments of new,

The moments of constant moving,

Constant action,

Constant introductions and initial meetings,

Constant awkward first conversations,

Slowly shifting into comfortable silence

I've found something precious.

In these moments where I've felt lost,

From the smallest decisions as to how to get to the grocery store,

To how to begin to call a new place home, when it still feels so foreign,

I've found something intimate,

A gift from the Lord,

Sent when I needed it most.

In the midst of the chaos, I've found peace.

In the midst of the new, I've found a constant.

In the midst of the weary, I've found refreshment.

And that my friends, is my Thanksgiving prayer for you.

That while you're taking time to be intentional in remembering to be thankful,

That you're taking time to seek refreshment.

While you're surrounded by those that mean the most,

You soak in every moment,

Look from face to face around the table,

And remember,

And thank,

And feel an overwhelming sense of love,

An overwhelming sense of security,

An overwhelming " time of refreshing may come from the Lord" ( Acts 3:19)

Because that my friends, is something to be so incredibly grateful for.




The posts on this site are my own personal opinions. They are not read or approved by Southside Ministries, Inc. prior to posting and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Southside Ministries, Inc.

Whispers in the Change

I usually love change.

I usually thrive on it.

I'm the person that impulsively buys box hair dye because her current hair color is just getting too boring,

Who takes up a new hobby, just to try it,

And generally starts a new book, before she finishes the one she previously started (because really, how can you not, when it's sitting on the bargain rack in Barnes and Noble?)

I usually love change.

I find that change is a comforting constant.

But in this new season of my life,

A season where everything has changed,

The city I live in,

My job,

My small group,

My apartment,

My gym,

My hair color ( thanks to that impulsive box dye I bought last night)

That I've been searching for something unwavering.

Something consistent,

Something to bring an anchor to these moments where I feel completely lost at sea.

And while I know my constant lies in the Lord,

The Lord that was the same yesterday,

The same today,

The same tomorrow,

I've had a hard time resting on that consistency.

I've had a hard time feeling that consistency.

I've had a hard time hearing anything from the Lord.

And while I know the God I pray to today,

Is the same God I prayed to in Athens,

For someone reason, I've had a hard time seeing, and hearing, that same constant nature in Newnan.

And as I sit here at Starbucks,

And drink this green tea,

Never being a tea drinker, but deciding to try it,

I have to wonder-

Am I not seeing the Lord's constant nature,

Because I haven't stopped,

And paused,

And thought,

Maybe searching for consistency isn't what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Maybe searching for consistency in this new season,

Searching for the same relationship with God that I had in Athens,

Just isn't going to happen,

Because our God is one who thrives on relationship,

And sometimes, relationships change,

And relationships deepen,

And that can only happen when you're taken out of a place of comfort,

And when consistency gives way to sweet surprises.

Deeper relationships that come from a place of searching,

And waiting,

And listening,

Even when things seem silent.

And maybe, this perceived silence,

Isn't silence at all,

It's a soft and quiet whisper,

So quiet, that I have to sit still for a moment,

Amidst all the movement and change surrounding me,

And open up my arms,

And be ready for the possibility,

The possibility that maybe, instead of searching for complete consistency in this time of change,

I should seek,

And watch,

And wait for the hidden treasures,

Snippets of riches,

Moments of constant,

Tucked away in the pockets of a life that feels a bit out of control,

As evidence,

And reassurance,

That the Lord I serve,

Has called me to a place of change,

To remind me that sometimes, constant changes,

And changes for the better.

Change, that even when everything seems out of control,

Points to a picture of a God who sees my fear,

Hears my cries,

 And uses soft whispers to remind me,

That He is the Lord,

And that He has called me by name.

"I will give you hidden treasures,

riches stored in secret places,

so that you may know that I am the Lord,

the God of Israel, who summons you by name"

-Isaiah 45:3


The posts on this site are my own personal opinions. They are not read or approved by Southside Ministries, Inc. prior to posting and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Southside Ministries, Inc.

Bittersweet Beauty

Fall is my favorite season.

It's something about the pumpkins,

Or the holidays,

Or the boot based wardrobe,

That just sends my heart into a flurry.

But, when you think about it,

Fall is also a sad season.

It's the beginning of the end of a year.

It's a physical representation that in order for something new to begin,

Something has to change.

The leaves has to turn,

The weather has to become a bit brisker,

And even though there's beauty everywhere you look,

Fall, in it's truest form,

Is a season of bittersweet change.

It's no surprise to me that this season of my life is right in the middle of fall.

Because right now, I'm going through a season of bittersweet change.

Change that could only be from the Lord.

Change that I could only describe as a grand leap of faith.

If you look back on my blog, you will read of my love for Athens,

My love for Athens Church,

My love for the way we do ministry and the people I get to walk beside.

And if you would have asked me a year ago if I would ever think about leaving this beautiful place,

This place where I became physically healthy,

This place where I became spiritually whole,

This place where I truly began to understand what it looks like to be surrounded by people who push you to be a better woman,

A better friend,

A better follower of Christ,

I would have told you never.

This place was my forever home.

But, God doesn't always listen to our plans.

And somewhere, right in the middle of all of this amazing growth, I could feel a tiny pull.

A small whisper, that when I sat still enough to hear, sounded something like -

" I have something else for you.

It might be scary.

It might seem nuts.

But remember that faith that you've been praying will be strengthened?

This is your chance.

To take a leap.

And follow where I may lead".

And so, I'm following.

I'm leaping.

And that leap of faith also requires a move.

I'm moving from the sweet streets of Athens, to a town about an hour and a half south.

I'm moving to Newnan Georgia, to serve as the Upstreet Director ( elementary school ministry director) at one of our strategic partners Southside Church.

And I'm sad,

And I'm excited,

And I'm scared,

And I'm nervous,

But I'm leaping.

And in this bittersweet season, I could look around and see the sadness,

See the leaves falling off the trees,

The friendships I have to leave,

The comfortability I'm giving up,

Or I could look around and choose to see the beauty,

The people who have made Athens a home,

The city that captured my heart,

The ministry that taught me how to be a mature follower of Christ,

All of which made this move possible,

Made me the woman I am today,

Made me the person that can pack up their apartment,

Move to a new city,

Start a new job,

And begin again.

There's bittersweet beauty in these moments.

And they're ones I choose to cherish.

They're the ones I choose to see.

That even in a season of change,

There's a evidence of the seasons past.

And hope for the seasons to come.

There's beauty in the change.

And beauty

And excitement,

And joy,

In the new beginnings to come.

Something Greater

Today I'm just tired.

And it could come from the fact that I just went on a whirlwind 24 hour Disney trip,

But that's not the case.

Sure. I'm physically tired.

But my heart is what feels the most exhausted.

Exhausted because right now, life doesn't look like I thought it would.

Right now, life feels like a series of never ending questions.

Right now, life just feels like I'm stuck in the waiting.

And sometimes, the waiting can just be exhausting.

I'm not sure what I thought that life would look like, but it isn't this.

And I don't think I'm alone in this.

I'm not naive enough to think that life played out the way that the rest of the world thought it would.

But I have to wonder- how do you sit in rest,

How do you sit in contentment,

When you're just not content in the season of life that you're sitting right in the middle of?

How do you allow your heart to dream,

But be completely ok that those dreams seem to never come true?

And why does life feel like it always is work?

I don't know if you've ever read the story of Sarah,

But today, I feel like her story is my story, in so many words.

All Sarah wanted was a child.

And she waited, and waited and waited.

And I can only imagine how she felt.

Ashamed that she could not do the thing that she was borne to do.

Envious of her friends as she watched them play with their babies,

And grandbabies.

And having to time and time again mourn the loss of the life that she thought she would have.

I'm sure those feelings were draining.

I'm sure her heart was exhausted.

And at her lowest of low, probably when it seemed like she could take the waiting no more,

She took her story out of God's hands,

And into her own.

She convinced her husband Abraham to go sleep with a servant Hagar so that he could have a son.

And when she got her wish,

When Hagar became pregnant,

She was angry,

And cynical,

Because this life she made for herself was not what she wanted either.

And it wasn't until she stopped trying,

And turned to The Lord,

The Lord that she finally recognized was a Lord that saw her waiting,

Saw her shame, 

Saw her envy,

Saw her sorrow,

That life became something worth waiting for,

And her dream finally came true.

Right now, I think I'm in the period of waiting,

The period of mourning the life that I thought would be.

But here's where Sarah and my story differs.

I don't want to have to take my life into my own hands to figure out that God's plan is better.

I want to learn to trust in this season,

Even though its one I'd prefer not to be in.

I want to learn to be able to find rest, no matter how restless I may feel.

I want to learn to find contentment, no matter how discontent I am with my circumstances.

And maybe, I have to sit through this season so that I could recognize that even when life isn't what I think it should be,

That God always is.

Maybe I'm waiting,

And tired,

And mourning my own personal dreams,

To allow The Lord to make room in my heart for his plans,

His dreams,

His desires for my life.

Maybe this season isn't a season to watch all the dreams I had for my life never come true,

Maybe it's a time to dream new dreams,

Bigger dreams,

God sized dreams,

And I have to get rid of those other ones,

To make room for something greater.

Maybe we have to be tired,

So we can fully know how to rest.

Thanksgiving In July

Thanksgiving has never been a holiday I look forward to.

And I'm not sure why.

I love my family.

I love food. 

I love parades.

So, in that sense, Thanksgiving should be the holiday that I count down to every year.

But it never is.

I think it's the fact that I know that Thanksgiving is an entire day devoted to sitting around and eating that stresses me out.

Suddenly, the exact think I try to avoid doing on a daily basis,

Gorging myself on carbs and sugar,

Is not only accepted,

It's celebrated.

But when I think about the true meaning of Thanksgiving, the root of the word of Thanksgiving, I think I don't enjoy the holiday because we, as a whole, have kind of missed the point.

Thanksgiving: :  a public acknowledgment or celebration of divine goodness; a day set apart for giving thanks to God.

A day set apart of giving thanks to God.

A public acknowledgement or celebration of divine goodness.

Maybe I dislike Thanksgiving because I'm missing the point.

And maybe I'm missing the point, because I've been lacking little bit of Thanksgiving all year round.

If i had to be honest, my heart has been really tired recently.

I've been walking through a season of doubt,

A season of confusion.

A season of challenges.

And it's not because my life is bad,

I love my life.

I truly do.

But life, in every sense of the word, can cause doubt,

And be challenging,

And be confusing,

And force us to acknowledge the fact that we actually have very little control over anything.

And instead of leaning into that,

And being grateful that I serve a God that does control everything,

I've allowed myself to become bitter,

And cynical,

And tired.

And when I read this quote today in the book I'm reading " A Praying Life" by Paul E. Miller

I figured out the source of my weariness.

And it's because I haven't been taking time to rest in the Thanksgiving.

"Thankfulness isn't a matter of forcing yourself to see the happy side of life. That would be like returning to naive optimism. Thanking God restores the natural order of our dependence on God. It enables us to see life as it really is...cynicism looks reality in the face, calls it phony, and prides itself on it's insight as it pulls back. Thanksgiving looks reality in the face and rejoices at God's care. It replaces a bitter spirit with a generous one".

Real Thanksgiving isn't pretending that everything is OK.

Real Thanksgiving is knowing it isn't and choosing to see the Lord's provision, even in the doubt challenges, even in the confusion.

Real Thanksgiving isn't strongest when God takes away everything that makes your heart weary.

Real Thanksgiving is strongest when you live in the weariness, and choose to see the blessings.

Real Thanksgiving is resting in the fact He is God, and we are not.

Real Thanksgiving is standing in the middle of the doubt

In the middle of the challenges,

In the middle of the confusion,

And choosing to see that although we might not know the way out,

That there are small reminders, every day, to point us back towards a God that does.

Real Thanksgiving is resting in that fact, 

And watching for those blessings,

And choosing to be thankful for them.

Caring In The Form Of Casserole

There’s something in Southern women that like to take care of people.

I know I do.

Death in the family?

Bring a casserole.

Someone’s birthday?

Leave a cupcakes sitting on their desk.

Friend getting married?

Attend shower, paying careful attention to the registry to buy something tasteful and useful, while not spending an arm and a leg on the crystal goblets that somehow end up on most registries.

I think it’s something about feeling helpful.

We want people to know we care.

We want people to feel loved.

We want people to feel seen.

But recently, I’ve been thinking about how Jesus cared for people. And sometimes, I think we’re missing what’s most important when it comes to caring for others.

This morning, I was reading a story I’ve read time and time before, and I was struck with a new idea of how Jesus loved.

¹² While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy.^[b] When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”¹³ Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him. 

Now at first glance, this is like many of the stories of the healing miracles that Jesus performed.

But today, my eyes were drawn to one phrase.

“Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.”

Leprosy was a terrible disease in Jesus’ time.

A skin disease that caused terrible pain.

A disease that was incurable.

A disease that was visible, seen by anyone that passed you on the street.

A disease that left you an outcast.

This man had probably suffered from this disease from years.

And that day, he was at his wits end.

That day, he threw himself on the ground in front of the man that was the answer to years of prayers.

A man that was a celebrity of his time.

That day, this man ran threw a large crowd,

Probably causing mass panic at the risk of causing an outbreak,

And threw himself at the feet of Jesus.

And Jesus healed him.

But that’s not the part of the story that touched my heart today.

The part of the story that caused my eyes to well up with tears was that Jesus looked down at this feet,

Saw a man suffering with from an incurable disease,

Who had been an outcast for many years,

Who probably hadn’t been treated with dignity or respect since the disease showed it’s first signs,

Who probably hadn’t had any sort of human contact,

And reached down and touched him.

The exact opposite of what was socially acceptable,

Or medically wise,

Of what to do when it came to dealing with people with leprosy.

I know Jesus could have healed him without touching him.

Jesus could have simply blinked and the man’s ailment would have disappeared.

But I think Jesus looked down at his feet,

And saw a man suffering,

A man lonely,

A man downtrodden,

And saw what he needed most was not healing,

But to feel like he was cared for,

Loved,

Seen.

And so he reached out and touched him, an act the man probably hadn’t felt in years.

And so this morning, I want to rethink the way I care for others.

I want to take a step back,

Look at those around me,

And take a moment to think,

What will make this person feel cared for?

What will make this person feel loved?

What will make this person feel seen?

And while it may come in the shape of a casserole, or a cupcake, or a crystal goblet,

I think most of the time it may be as simple as reaching out and holding someone’s hand.

Or sitting with someone while they cry,

Or having a dance party to celebrate a big accomplishment.

I want to care the way Jesus cared.

I want to love the way Jesus loved.

And that comes with taking time to stop,

And see what that person might really need.

Vacation Bible School Wisdom

Anyone who has been to any sort of Vacation Bible School has probably heard this song,

Sang along,

Done the dance moves that goes with it ( and by dance moves, I mean hand motions. Everyone knows Christians don't dance...kidding I swear).

This is the day, this is the day
That the lord has made, that the lord has madeI will rejoice,I will rejoiceAnd be glad in it, glad in it



I've sung those words many times.

And maybe it was because I always attended Vacation Bible School in the morning,

But that is the time of day that I always associated with this song.

In my head, I pictured myself getting out of bed,

The sun slowly rising,

Birds chirping outside of my window,

And as my feet touch the floor, 

I cry these words out in joy,

Because I know that the day ahead is one that the Lord has made.

And for some reason,

Today, as I was leaving the gym,

A task that I disdain at times,

After my morning didn't go as planned,

I realized that these words of rejoicing weren't meant for the morning, 

When our day lies ahead,

As our feet touch the floor,

And we are full of hope about the wonderful possibilities that lie before us.

These words I think would be best used at night,

When our day is behind us,

As our head touches the pillow,

And we already have seen what that day had in store for us.

Because let's face it,

Some days don't turn out the way you want them to.

Sometimes, your gym runs out of towels and you have to use paper towels stolen from the bathroom as a makeshift towel so you can shower before going to work. ( I am guilty of this, on this very morning).

Sometimes, things at work are hard.

Sometimes, conversations don't go the way you planned.

Sometimes people hurt you.

Sometimes, the day leaves you disappointed.

And these are the times where it is most important that we learn to rejoice, 

And gain the ability to look back on the day and realize,

That through the hard,

And through the unplanned,

And through the hurt,

And through the disappointment,

That this day was still the day that Lord has made.

I think it's through the rejoicing,

And the gladness,

Even when everything goes wrong,

And recognizing that even when things don't go the way we had hoped they would when we heard those birds chirping outside our window,

That we learn to have true faith.

I think it's finding happiness in the days that the Lord has made,

Even when those days look nothing like the ones we would have made for ourselves,

That we learn to have true joy.

And we learn to recognize,

And place our hope in the fact that our stories aren't written by our pen.

That our stories,

And our days,

Are written by the One who told the sun to come up,

And the birds to chirp,

And that even on the hardest day,

There is a reason for every tear,

Every heartbreak,

And every disappointment.

Even if we don't always understand it in the moment.

That is the starting place of true hope,

And true joy,

And true faith.

Believing that everyday was one that the Lord has indeed made, specifically with us in mind.

And We can rejoice and be glad in that.

Dreaming in Secret

Lately, I've been dreaming.

Dreaming about what life could hold.

Dreaming about where life could lead me.

Dreaming about what part I'm going to play in this story God is writing.

25 feels like an age of dreaming.

But it's an age of hidden dreaming.

Because honestly, I thought when I was 25 I was  supposed to have everything figured out.

I've  gotten through those rough years right after college,

The years where the "real world" felt huge and daunting, and I yearned for the safety of dorm rooms and dining halls.

I've had, and shortly after, quit my first big girl job, in search of something I truly loved.

I've gone back to school, and become a "master".

And during those three years, I barely took time to sit back and dream, because I was so busy chasing what I thought life was supposed to look like.

I was so busy chasing after life that I never took a step back to sit and dream about what I actually wanted my life to look like.

And now, I'm here, 25, and I've talked to my friends, and one thread seems to bind us all together.

None of us have anything figured out,

And all of us are too afraid to admit it.

We're so busy chasing after life that were afraid if we take a step back and say,

" Right now, I don't love my job, I'm not in my true calling, but I'm working hard everyday while I'm dreaming about what I want my life to look like"

We'll look unsuccessful,

Or lazy,

Or wasteful of that degree we spent so much money on that we're not even using.

We dream in secret, but then take no steps to create those dreams, out of fear someone will figure out that we have no idea what is going on.

We think- We're 25. Shouldn't I have this thing called life figured out by now?

And I have to wonder why we put so much pressure on ourselves when we have a God that loves dreaming.

We have a God that encourages dreaming.

We have a God that doesn't want us to dream in secret,

But gather together and use those passions and talents and skills He have us to be a part of His bigger story.

And sometimes, our role in that bigger story might not use our degree.

It might not use our past work experience.

It might simply use our passions,

Our goals,

And a lot of hard work to get where we finally want to be.

Take David for instance.

He became King.

He defeated a giant.

And the only skill set he had was knowing how to heard sheep.

And even when he knew he was destined for more,

Destined to become King and lead his country,

He had to continue to tend sheep while he prepared for his greater role.

Sometimes to lead a country, you need to start by knowing  how to take care of a pasture of sheep.

Sometimes to write the next great novel you may have to spend time writing down orders on a coffee cup.

Sometimes, to start that nonprofit, you have to start by taking a night class while simultaneously working your day job.

But you never will know what God might be preparing you for until you just admit that you have no idea what He's preparing you for.

But that you're continuing to dream,

And work,

And trust.

So, I'm 25.

And I'm dreaming about what I want life to look like.

And I'm working everyday,

And trusting that I serve a God that delights in all of those things.

I don't want 25 to be my year of secretly dreaming.

I want it to be a year of open dreaming, figuring out where my passions and gifts and skills truly lie,

And preparing for what God has in store.

Labor Pains

I've never been one that likes pain.

In fact, I don't know many people that would say that they truly enjoy pain,

That they truly enjoy hurt.

Pain and hurt are the things we have been taught to fear.

Fall on the playground and scrape your knee?

Mommy is the first one there to give it a kiss and make it feel better.

Your prom date breaks up with you a week before prom?

Take a night to cry over a pint of Ben and Jerry's and then put on a brave face, and show up to that dance looking as hot as possible.

From the very beginning, we've learned that pain and hurt should be feared,

Run from,

Avoided at any cost.

No one likes to feel pain,

But what if, instead of running, we took a moment and breathed in the pain and the hurt.

What if, instead of hiding, we took a moment to be grateful for the pain and the hurt?

And I know that sounds crazy,

How could anyone be grateful for pain?

How could anyone be grateful for hurt?

Pain is a result of something you did wrong.

Hurt is a result of something gone terribly amiss.

But what if, we've had the wrong viewpoint on pain this whole time?

What if pain isn't a result of something you've done wrong,

What if it's a precursor to something that God wants to make right?

What if hurt isn't a result of something gone terribly amiss,

What if it's a preview of God's favor, getting you ready for something that is going to be greater anything then you could have ever planned?

What if this pain, and this hurt, is actually a promise,

A promise for something greater,

A promise for something glorious,

A promise for something new.

And today, Mother's Day of all days,  I'm reminded of this.

No mother will tell you they enjoyed the hours of labor they endured.

But instead will say every second was worth it.

No mother will tell you they wish for the pain,

But instead will tell you they'd do it all over again.

Because without that labor,

And the tears,

And the cries,

They never would have felt that moment of pure joy,

That moment of unreal peace,

Holding that new life in their arms,

Something that wasn't there before,

A direct result of their pain,

Sometimes, through our pain, God will do a great work,

And through our labor,

And our tears,

And our cries,

God is at work,

Bringing something new into our lives.

Today I choose to look at pain,

And hurt,

Not as a punishment,

But as evidence of God's grace,

As evidence of God's faithfulness,

As evidence of God's work in my life.

Pain is never easy.

But it might sting a little less if instead of focusing on the hurt,

You choose to anxiously await to see what the Lord desires to do through it.

A Starbucks Sized Prayer

I’ve said it on here before, but I am a woman that loves surprises.

And I’m not talking about the large, grandiose surprises.

I’m talking about the small, thoughtful surprises.

The note left on your car when your friend knows you’re having a bad day.

The text with words of encouragement.

Your favorite soft drink left sitting on your desk, just because it’s Tuesday.

Those acts are so small.

But on days when you really need them, they mean so much.

They mean even in the pace of this busy world, someone took the time to think about you.

In the hustle and bustle of the daily grind, someone went out of his or her way to do something kind for you.

That even in a world that is full of so many people, someone sees you, someone so very small, and does a simple act that makes you feel seen, and known, and, for lack of a better word, so very big.

These are the kind of surprises I think that God loves.

And this morning,

I was in awe of how small our God can be.

I know that sounds a little sacrilegious.

How can I say that the God of the universe is small?

How can I call the Lord that can hold the Earth in the palm of His hand small?

And while it may sound disrespectful,

When I really think about it,

I think that God longs for those times when we realize how small He is.

We know how large He is.

How can you look at the ocean and think that we serve anything but?

How can you look up at the night sky, peppered with stars that He calls by name, and not recognize His sheer magnitude?

Large is easy.

Sometimes it’s seeing Him in the small that’s hard.

But this morning, as I was praying,  sitting in Starbucks, drinking my iced coffee, asking for a heart of gratitude,

Praying for a heart that doesn’t always come with wants and requests but can simply sit and be grateful for the many blessings that I’ve be given,

That this song came on my Pandora,

A song with lyrics so perfectly in sync to my prayer at that very moment,

That I knew this could only be a small surprise from our very big God.

“Love is an ocean. Hope is a promise. Light is overtaking. Grace is overwhelming. You chase us into the dark and Lord we’re grateful, oh we’re grateful. You’ve captured our hearts with Your Love, oh Lord You’re faithful, You are Faithful. Nothing that we’ve ever done was too much for You to handle on the Cross. We’re grateful for your Love."

And it was in this moment, that I had to sit back and be grateful for a God that is small enough that he hears prayers whispered in the corner of Starbucks,

And chooses to respond.

It was at this moment that I realized that I serve a God that isn’t just big enough to control the oceans,

But I also serve a God that is small enough to care about the minuet details of my day.

It was at this moment that I realized that I serve a God that isn’t just big enough to call every star in the sky by name,

But I also serve a God that is small enough to call me by name,

And to surprise me with answers to Starbucks sized prayers,

Just because it’s Monday.

And just because He wants me to see, that even in a world that is full of so many people, the Lord of the universe sees me, someone so very small,

And that he’s not too big to do a simple act that makes me feel seen, and known, and, for lack of a better word, so very big.

Happy Thoughts and Pixie Dust

My family is a Disney family.

Always have been.

I can’t count on my two hands the amount of times the Johnson’s have graced the streets of the Magic Kingdom, dined on Mickey Mouse shaped ice cream bars, gotten our passports stamped in the various countries of Epcot, and been visitors on the safari in the Animal Kingdom.

Honestly, at this point, we could probably lead the safari with very little assistance.

And every time we go to Disney World, no matter how old we are, we know there is one ride that we are not going to miss.

The Peter Pan ride is my Dad’s favorite.

So we always wait in the ridiculously long line,

Stuff our now far too adult size bodies into the flying pirate ships,

And spend a grand total of three minutes soaring through the skies of London and the hills of Never Never Land.

And, according to Peter Pan, there are only two things required of Wendy, Michael and John to take such a glorious adventure,

Only two things required to fly.

A little bit of Pixie Dust.

And thinking happy thoughts.

Thinking happy thoughts is all that’s required to leave the house that Wendy, John and Michael want to escape.

Thinking happy thoughts is the only thing that keeps them from the life they desire.

And for a while, I think I believed that same thing.

Having a bad day?

Just think happy thoughts.

Feeling sad?

Don’t feel that way. Just think happy thoughts.

Feeling uneasy about a big decision?

Push those feelings aside and just think happy thoughts.

I wanted to tiptoe through life, carefully guiding myself past anything that might make me feel pain, and choosing to only see the happy things, no matter how I’m really feeling at the moment.

I’ve been tiptoeing through life.

And honestly, I’ve been tiptoeing towards God.

I’ve been scared to bring Him the messy.

I’ve been scared to bring Him the hard.

I’ve been scared to bring Him the truth.

I’ve only wanted to bring Him the cleaned up, put together version of myself.

I’ve only wanted to bring Him happy thoughts.

And this morning, I realized that this tiptoeing I’ve been doing around the messy,

And the hard,

And the truth that sometimes life is full of things other then pixie dust and happy thoughts,

May have caused me to really miss some important things about loving life,

And in turn, loving God.

Why am I only trying to bring the happy to the One who created joy?

Why am I trying to hide my messy from the one who can clean it up?

Why am I trying to brush away the hard from the One who sent His son to die for my sins to maybe make life just a little bit easier?

Why am I, when you look at it with a hard and unforgiving eye, trying to lie to God about the truth that life is

Messy,

And hard,

And full of heartbreak?

But it’s not until you allow yourself to feel those messy,

And hard feelings,

That you can come just as you are before the feet of your Heavenly Father,

And have somewhere to lay your burdens.

So really, I think Peter Pan lied.

I’m all about happy thoughts.

But I don’t think those are the things that truly make you fly.

I don’t think that those are what get you through the hard times.

I don’t think that’s what makes life an adventure.

I don’t think those are what bring God the most joy.

I think it’s the messy,

And the hard,

And what Walt Disney would never want to write about in one of his movies,

That truly makes you fly.

Feeling those emotions, no matter how hard, and bringing them to the Lord,

And recognizing that sometimes life isn’t simply fixed with a little pinch of Pixie Dust.

Sometimes life is messy,

Sometimes life is hard,

But to truly live,

And to truly love the Lord like He desires us to,

We have to live, and feel, each moment,

And know that we have a God that isn’t going to let us escape all of our problems, and everything difficult we might ever feel.

We have a God that’s going to put on His boots, and wade through the messy with us.

We have a God that never wants us to tiptoe up to His throne.

We have a God that wants us to come running, no matter what baggage we have in tow.

And to me, that’s better then a little pinch of pixie dust.