Dreaming in Secret

Lately, I've been dreaming.

Dreaming about what life could hold.

Dreaming about where life could lead me.

Dreaming about what part I'm going to play in this story God is writing.

25 feels like an age of dreaming.

But it's an age of hidden dreaming.

Because honestly, I thought when I was 25 I was  supposed to have everything figured out.

I've  gotten through those rough years right after college,

The years where the "real world" felt huge and daunting, and I yearned for the safety of dorm rooms and dining halls.

I've had, and shortly after, quit my first big girl job, in search of something I truly loved.

I've gone back to school, and become a "master".

And during those three years, I barely took time to sit back and dream, because I was so busy chasing what I thought life was supposed to look like.

I was so busy chasing after life that I never took a step back to sit and dream about what I actually wanted my life to look like.

And now, I'm here, 25, and I've talked to my friends, and one thread seems to bind us all together.

None of us have anything figured out,

And all of us are too afraid to admit it.

We're so busy chasing after life that were afraid if we take a step back and say,

" Right now, I don't love my job, I'm not in my true calling, but I'm working hard everyday while I'm dreaming about what I want my life to look like"

We'll look unsuccessful,

Or lazy,

Or wasteful of that degree we spent so much money on that we're not even using.

We dream in secret, but then take no steps to create those dreams, out of fear someone will figure out that we have no idea what is going on.

We think- We're 25. Shouldn't I have this thing called life figured out by now?

And I have to wonder why we put so much pressure on ourselves when we have a God that loves dreaming.

We have a God that encourages dreaming.

We have a God that doesn't want us to dream in secret,

But gather together and use those passions and talents and skills He have us to be a part of His bigger story.

And sometimes, our role in that bigger story might not use our degree.

It might not use our past work experience.

It might simply use our passions,

Our goals,

And a lot of hard work to get where we finally want to be.

Take David for instance.

He became King.

He defeated a giant.

And the only skill set he had was knowing how to heard sheep.

And even when he knew he was destined for more,

Destined to become King and lead his country,

He had to continue to tend sheep while he prepared for his greater role.

Sometimes to lead a country, you need to start by knowing  how to take care of a pasture of sheep.

Sometimes to write the next great novel you may have to spend time writing down orders on a coffee cup.

Sometimes, to start that nonprofit, you have to start by taking a night class while simultaneously working your day job.

But you never will know what God might be preparing you for until you just admit that you have no idea what He's preparing you for.

But that you're continuing to dream,

And work,

And trust.

So, I'm 25.

And I'm dreaming about what I want life to look like.

And I'm working everyday,

And trusting that I serve a God that delights in all of those things.

I don't want 25 to be my year of secretly dreaming.

I want it to be a year of open dreaming, figuring out where my passions and gifts and skills truly lie,

And preparing for what God has in store.

Labor Pains

I've never been one that likes pain.

In fact, I don't know many people that would say that they truly enjoy pain,

That they truly enjoy hurt.

Pain and hurt are the things we have been taught to fear.

Fall on the playground and scrape your knee?

Mommy is the first one there to give it a kiss and make it feel better.

Your prom date breaks up with you a week before prom?

Take a night to cry over a pint of Ben and Jerry's and then put on a brave face, and show up to that dance looking as hot as possible.

From the very beginning, we've learned that pain and hurt should be feared,

Run from,

Avoided at any cost.

No one likes to feel pain,

But what if, instead of running, we took a moment and breathed in the pain and the hurt.

What if, instead of hiding, we took a moment to be grateful for the pain and the hurt?

And I know that sounds crazy,

How could anyone be grateful for pain?

How could anyone be grateful for hurt?

Pain is a result of something you did wrong.

Hurt is a result of something gone terribly amiss.

But what if, we've had the wrong viewpoint on pain this whole time?

What if pain isn't a result of something you've done wrong,

What if it's a precursor to something that God wants to make right?

What if hurt isn't a result of something gone terribly amiss,

What if it's a preview of God's favor, getting you ready for something that is going to be greater anything then you could have ever planned?

What if this pain, and this hurt, is actually a promise,

A promise for something greater,

A promise for something glorious,

A promise for something new.

And today, Mother's Day of all days,  I'm reminded of this.

No mother will tell you they enjoyed the hours of labor they endured.

But instead will say every second was worth it.

No mother will tell you they wish for the pain,

But instead will tell you they'd do it all over again.

Because without that labor,

And the tears,

And the cries,

They never would have felt that moment of pure joy,

That moment of unreal peace,

Holding that new life in their arms,

Something that wasn't there before,

A direct result of their pain,

Sometimes, through our pain, God will do a great work,

And through our labor,

And our tears,

And our cries,

God is at work,

Bringing something new into our lives.

Today I choose to look at pain,

And hurt,

Not as a punishment,

But as evidence of God's grace,

As evidence of God's faithfulness,

As evidence of God's work in my life.

Pain is never easy.

But it might sting a little less if instead of focusing on the hurt,

You choose to anxiously await to see what the Lord desires to do through it.

A Starbucks Sized Prayer

I’ve said it on here before, but I am a woman that loves surprises.

And I’m not talking about the large, grandiose surprises.

I’m talking about the small, thoughtful surprises.

The note left on your car when your friend knows you’re having a bad day.

The text with words of encouragement.

Your favorite soft drink left sitting on your desk, just because it’s Tuesday.

Those acts are so small.

But on days when you really need them, they mean so much.

They mean even in the pace of this busy world, someone took the time to think about you.

In the hustle and bustle of the daily grind, someone went out of his or her way to do something kind for you.

That even in a world that is full of so many people, someone sees you, someone so very small, and does a simple act that makes you feel seen, and known, and, for lack of a better word, so very big.

These are the kind of surprises I think that God loves.

And this morning,

I was in awe of how small our God can be.

I know that sounds a little sacrilegious.

How can I say that the God of the universe is small?

How can I call the Lord that can hold the Earth in the palm of His hand small?

And while it may sound disrespectful,

When I really think about it,

I think that God longs for those times when we realize how small He is.

We know how large He is.

How can you look at the ocean and think that we serve anything but?

How can you look up at the night sky, peppered with stars that He calls by name, and not recognize His sheer magnitude?

Large is easy.

Sometimes it’s seeing Him in the small that’s hard.

But this morning, as I was praying,  sitting in Starbucks, drinking my iced coffee, asking for a heart of gratitude,

Praying for a heart that doesn’t always come with wants and requests but can simply sit and be grateful for the many blessings that I’ve be given,

That this song came on my Pandora,

A song with lyrics so perfectly in sync to my prayer at that very moment,

That I knew this could only be a small surprise from our very big God.

“Love is an ocean. Hope is a promise. Light is overtaking. Grace is overwhelming. You chase us into the dark and Lord we’re grateful, oh we’re grateful. You’ve captured our hearts with Your Love, oh Lord You’re faithful, You are Faithful. Nothing that we’ve ever done was too much for You to handle on the Cross. We’re grateful for your Love."

And it was in this moment, that I had to sit back and be grateful for a God that is small enough that he hears prayers whispered in the corner of Starbucks,

And chooses to respond.

It was at this moment that I realized that I serve a God that isn’t just big enough to control the oceans,

But I also serve a God that is small enough to care about the minuet details of my day.

It was at this moment that I realized that I serve a God that isn’t just big enough to call every star in the sky by name,

But I also serve a God that is small enough to call me by name,

And to surprise me with answers to Starbucks sized prayers,

Just because it’s Monday.

And just because He wants me to see, that even in a world that is full of so many people, the Lord of the universe sees me, someone so very small,

And that he’s not too big to do a simple act that makes me feel seen, and known, and, for lack of a better word, so very big.