I'm Stepping Off The Boat

Today, I was thinking about how we judge our own worth.

How we judge our own significance.

How we judge, at the end of the day, if we just really measure up.

If we’re good enough.

If we’re worth it.

I think that everyone struggles with this idea,

But, I know as a woman, it’s something I deal with everyday.

If I don’t have a boyfriend, there must be something wrong with me.

If I don’t fit into those pants, I’m eating too much.

If I don’t have enough lines on my resume, I’m not working hard enough.

And some nights, when I lay down my head, the question arises-

“Am I enough?”

Am I good enough?

Smart enough?

Pretty enough?

And sometimes, I don’t know where to turn my eyes to find the answer to that question.

I know, the correct, Christian, “Sunday school answer” would be to simply look to the Lord,

Our worth is defined by his sheer, unadulterated love for us.

Our worth is defined by the cross.

And I believe that.

I really do.

But sometimes, it’s so easy to forget.

And sometimes, it’s easy to think that this struggle,

This struggle to define and solidify my worth, is something that only I have a problem with.

But this morning, this story about Peter showed me, and reminded me, that not only am I not the only one that needs reminding,

That even those that walked alongside Jesus doubted their worth,

And even when they were looking Jesus in the face, had a hard time believing that they were enough.

Here’s a little synopsis.

Jesus’ disciples were out on a boat, in the middle of a lake, in the middle of the night, and there was a storm.

Jesus, who had gone off praying by himself, was watching this whole scene go down, and so he decided to seize the opportunity, and walked out to the boat.

Literally, walk on the water, out to the boat,

Of course, the disciples were a little freaked out.

And Peter needed a little proof that Jesus was Jesus, and not some freaky, water walking ghost.

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Peter took his eyes off of Jesus for a moment, to look at all of the waves crashing around him and he forgot, that with Jesus, he was enough.

He forgot, that with Jesus he was worth it.

He forgot, that with Jesus, walking on water was not an impossible feat.

And so many times, I’m like Peter,

I look from side to side at what the world is telling me gives me worth,

And  I forget to look straight ahead at the one who calls my name every morning,

I look from side to side and allow myself to believe that I don’t measure up,

That I’m not worth it,

That I’m not enough,

Instead of looking straight ahead and remembering that my worth isn’t found in my relationship status,

Or my pant size,

Or the lines on my resume,

I choose to let those waves crash,

And the winds blow,

And get caught up in those lies.

So today, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who has a hard time always remembering that when I look ahead,

Step out of the boat,

And take the hand of the Lord through which grace is offered,

That this is where true worth is found.

Today's Prayer

We all say we want God to do something big in our lives.

We all want a miracle.

Everyone had that one thing in their life that it would take an act of The Lord to change. 

But when it comes to those really big things,

The things that only The Lord could control,

Sometimes, I find myself not praying for those things.

They seem too big,

And too impossible,

And when there are so many other things to pray for,

Sometimes those big, miracle type prayers, tend to be the prayers I add in if I have time.

And if I was going to be completely honest, sometimes I don't ask because I've asked before-

And nothing has happened.

I get frustrated,

And impatient,  

And I just give up.

But today, when I was reading in John, I had a moment of realization-

How many miracles have I missed getting to see God perform because I simply stopped asking,

Because I felt like it was hopeless?

Jesus was in Gailee and he decided to go down to a pool that was surrounded by five communities, a pool called Bethesda. 

Around that pool is where the disabled people in the community used to lie.

Ever so often, an angel of The Lord would come and stir up the waters and the first one into the pool after would be cured of whatever disease was ailing them.

Can you imagine the hopelessness that surrounded that pool?

People, who the communities all but cast out, laying around this pool, waiting for the chance, the miracle, to be the one person to be cleansed by those healing waters.

 

It was there that Jesus met an invalid, who had been suffering from his condition for 38 years. And when Jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed, he responded as so many of us often do when it comes to asking God for those big miracles. 

“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.” (John 5:7 NLT)

This man had to have known that the person standing in front of him was Jesus. He had just  healed a dying boy in the same city.

People were talking about the miracles he had performed.

And this man was so frustrated,

So downtrodden,

So discouraged from 38 years of ailing that he didnt even say the simple words that we all would like to think we would say-

"Lord, I want to be healed. Heal me."

But really can we blame him?

If we had to wait for 38 years for a miracle, would we really think that today could be the day that our prayers would be answered?

But, what if it was?

What if today,

Today's prayer,

Was the one that God choose to answer.

What if today,

Today's prayer,

Was the one that got you that new job,

Or healed that illness,

Or brought back that prodigal son?

But because you were so frustrated,

Or so downtrodden,

Or so discouraged, 

You didn't take time to ask it.

You didn't see that the savior of the world was standing in front of you ready and able, to answer those prayers,

And create those miracles.

So today I choose to ask,

And believe,

Because you never know which prayer will be the one that turns the Lord's ear.

Get Out Of The Shallow End

I've only ever had one near death experience.

As an almost twenty five year old woman, I consider that a pretty good record.

But of course, as many of them do, this experience resulted from the fact that I'm stubborn,

And want to do what I want to do when I want to do it,

And I tend to think that I'm better at things then I sometimes am.

I was five.

And we were at a neighbors pool.

And I had on my gold sequined bathing suit, complete with green frog floaters on each chubby bicep.

My Mom and Dad had told me specifically to not go into the deep end.

They explained where the line was,

where the pool slowly started to shift from shallow, safe water,

to deep, head covering, scary water.

I understood the directions.

I knew the risks.

But then, something just looked better.

My brothers super soaker slowly floated farther, and farther away, down into the deep end.

And although I knew that I wasn't supposed to,

I really wanted that piece of plastic treasure.

So, I jumped.

And those green frog floaties were not ready to withstand the force of a chunky five year old with her eye on a water gun.

I sunk.

And suddenly,

everywhere I turned,

there was water.

Above my head,

below my feet,

in front,

behind,

to my left,

to my right.

I was completely immersed.

I was no longer in the safety of the shallow end, where I could merely dip my feet in, or walk up to my waist if I was afraid of getting wet.

Now, there was really no turning back.

Sometimes I think that we look at loving others in the same way that we look at a swimming pool.

There are two sides.

Shallow and safe love,

or deep, completely head covering, scary love.

Shallow love is easy.

It takes no commitment.

Get in a fight?

Simply walk to the side and get out.

Someone does something that hurts your feelings?

No problem.

You weren't completely invested anyway.

You didn't even get your hair wet.

The shallow end of love is safe. You're able to walk away anytime.

But it's when you take your relationships to that deep end,

where you're completely submerged,

and vulnerable,

and open,

that it gets scary.

And it gets real.

Tonight, when I was reading 1st Peter, Peter was trying to instruct the church on how to truly live for God.

And when it come to relationships with each other, he was very clear about what kind of love we were supposed to give.

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Deep is defined as " penetrating to a depth; extending from back to front, side to side, and top to bottom"

We weren't called to love when it's easy.

We weren't called to love when it fits our schedule.

We aren't called to love on a surface level.

We're called to love when it's hard,

We're called to love when times get tough,

And we're called to break past the shallow conversations of day to day life,

And really get to the nitty gritty,

Where the real important parts of life lives.

We are called to love through and through,

Not just the part of each other that we like,

Not just the part that we can make time for between work and going to the gym.

We are called to love each other from back to front, side to side, and top to bottom.

Penetrating to a depth.

Sometimes the deep end is scary.

And sometimes it's easier to just stay in the shallow end.

But the deep end is where true loving, and true living begins.

And those of you who were worried, have no fear.

I was pulled out the pool.

But not before I got to experience the thrill that comes from taking that plunge into the deep end.