This blog post is going to consists of a childhood, embarrassing story that makes me cringe. I hate this story. But, God kind of laid this story on my heart when I was doing my quiet time last night.
Or maybe I'm just a sucker for punishment.
Set the scene.
Time- 1997. I was 8 years old- some of my most glorious days, complete with glasses, braces, a bowl cut, and about 20 more pounds then I weigh at the moment- as an 8 year old.
The Place- Gatlinburg, Tennessee, home to Dolly Parton and more fudge stands then you could count on two hands.
The More Specific Place- The putt putt course
And sure, we played putt putt. But more specifically, we decided to do the bumper boats. My cool older friend Jenna Logan had come on the trip with us ( and Jenna, if you're reading this, I thought you were the coolest because your Mom let you wear spaghetti strap tank-tops, just thought you should know) and she had done bumper boats with her family, so I had to do them too. And I had to drive myself.
Even though I had never driven a bumper boat before.
Even though I could barely walk without falling.
Even though I was a complete and total klutz.
My mom wouldn't let me wear spaghetti strap tank tops ( in hindsight Mom, thanks for that. Chubby girl in spaghetti straps? Never pretty.) so this bumper boat was my sign of independence.
I got in the bumper boat.
I pretended to listen to the directions given by the unsmiling teenaged boy.
I grabbed the steering wheel, pulled back, and I was off into the wild blue yonder.
Or, atleast I thought I was.
I made it out to the very center of the pool. And I tried to turn. But instead, my boat began turning in a circle. And it kept turning,
And turning,
And turning.
My boat would do nothing else but make donuts in the dead center of the pool.
I pulled on the steering wheel. I tried using my body weight to maneuver the boat in a different direction. And soon, when I could do nothing else because of the immense motion sickness and dizziness I felt, I did what any independent, 8 year old young woman would do-
I cried.
And then, it only got worse. I heard the sound from off the in the distance. It's high and shrieking pitch piercing me to the core of my being.
The whistle to bring your boats back in.
And while everyone began to bring their boats in to dock, I could do nothing but spin. And spin. And spin.
And cry.
Any cry.
Any cry.
Imagine a chubby, glasses wearing, little girl with a bowl cut, crying, no bawling in the middle of an extremely blue pool, spinning around and around on a bumper boat. The sight is tragic, humiliating and hilarious all at the same time.
I knew logically my parents ( who were off to the side, laughing- except for good old Daddy Jo, he felt sympathy for his clumsy daughter) wouldn't let me stay out there forever. I knew that eventually someone would have to come and get me. ( That would be the unsmiling teenage boy. When he took a "rescue" bumper boat to come out and get me, I managed to bump my bumper boat off his 3 times before he could finally put a rope around me and drag me in). I knew that I wasn't going to be stuck in this spinning hell forever. But all I could do was look at the spinning world around me, and see what was holding me back.
The same thing happened to the disciples. ( Well, not exactly. There were no bumper boats at the time).
Jesus had just finished feeding the five thousand (go Jesus!) and he told the disciples to get on a boat and meet him at the other side. So, the disciples, got on a boat, took it out to the water, and set sail.
Jesus, on the other hand, went on a mountain side to pray.
As the disciples were out to sea, a storm came about. Their boat was rocking with the waves, and I imagine they were feeling the same kind of queasiness I had felt. ( Although, I imagine John hadn't just hoarded a whole funnel cake for himself- first mistake of the day). And, because they were human, the disciples could feel but one emotion- fear.
And then they look out on the water and they see Jesus- not in a boat, not in a canoe, not doing some breast strokes, no, walking on water. And you would think, after all this time and seeing all these miracles, the disciples would merely just believe the son of God could do something as easy as walk on water. But, no, that wasn't the case either.
26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
Here's the thing about this whole scenario. The disciples asked to be saved from the storm and God provided for them. Peter asked for proof, and Jesus gave it to him. Jesus gave Peter the power to walk on water, and all he could do was look around, see the danger around him, instead of looking ahead, and seeing the salvation being offered. Jesus literally had his hand offered out to Peter, and he preferred to fear, then to have the faith required to do the act the Lord had given him the skills to do.
How many times have I done that in my life? God puts me in a scary situation, whether to push me to grow, or test my faith, and even though he has equipped me with all the skills possible, I still choose to be afraid. I still choose to doubt His promises.
I am in these scary situations, in my own rocking ( or in my case, spinning) boat, and I think that the Lord has no idea what I'm going through.
Here's the kicker of the story- the whole time that the disciples was caught in the storm, remember where Jesus was?
He went up to a mountainside. A mountainside that is taller, and overlooks the things surrounding it. And although it doesn't say this in the Bible, I choose to imagine that mountainside overlooked the lake that the disciples were bobbing and weaving on.
Even in the scariest situations in life, God is constantly there watching our every move. He is never going to put us in a situation that is bigger, or stronger then him, because face it, there is nothing bigger or stronger then our God.
And if we can learn to test our faith,to not look at the distractions, or the temptations or the threats around us, and plant our eyes firmly on Jesus, on the hand of salvation before offered to us we will be given the ability to do all that the Lord has planned for us to do. Even walk on water.
And in my case, if I had just taken a little time, stopped focusing on the spinning world around me, and the jeers and laughter of my family, and paid a little more attention to the steering wheel in front of me, what I was trained and able to do, I probably could pass a bumper boat ride without turning my face in shame.
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