Tell Me Who I Am

I tend to look around me to see who I am.

It's a dangerous habit. 

A habit that can only end in confusion.

My parents tell me I'm one way,

But my friends tell me I'm different.

My grades tell me I'm smart,

But my choice to put handsoap in the dishwasher tells me different. 

My gym schedule tells me I'm fit,

But some days, the size of my thighs seem to say something completely different.

My job tells me I'm successful,

But that gnawing pit at the bottom of my stomach telling me I'm just not good enough tells me I'm not.

When I look around,

I tend to end up in a state of confusion.

But if I can't look to these things to tell me who I am,

Or what I am,

Then where do I look?

Where do I look for concrete and absolute truth,

A truth that no matter what the scale says,

Or no matter what my employment status is,

That will help me to remember who I am,

And what I am.

And today, I am reminded.

Today I am reminded to look at the cross.

Today I am reminded to look at the cross to tell me who I am.

The cross tells me I'm a sinner,

But the cross also tells me I'm forgiven.

The cross tells me I'm imperfect,

But the cross tells me I don't have to be.

The cross tells me I'm loved.

The cross tells me I'm treasured.

The cross tells me even at my loneliest, I'm thought of.

The cross tells me I am worthy.

The cross tells me that even my darkest secret is enough to make me unloveable.

The cross tells me who I am.

And because the cross tells me who k am,

It tells me who the God I serve is.

Because the cross tells me I'm loved, it tells me I have a God that is loving.

Because the cross tells I'm treasured, it tells me that I have a God that can see past the mess and treasure a woman who has screwed up time and time again.

Because the cross tells me I am thought of, it tells me I have a God that while he was busy designing the world, he placed fireflies on the earth because one day, there would be girl who loved nothing more then to see the sparkling reminders of summer nights.

Because the cross tells me I'm worthy, it tells me I have a God who loves me just the way I am.

Because the cross tells me that even at my darkest hour I am loveable, it tells me I have a God whose love is not based on jobs,

Or looks,

Or good deeds,

Or relationship status,

Or degrees,

Or my past,

Because of the cross, I see a God whose love is pure,

And holy,

And full of truth. 

And in that moment of truth,

I can look around and see,

When the world tries to tell me who I am,

Or what I am.

I can be reminded that I already know who I am.

Because the cross reminds me who my God is.