The Waiting Game

I'm not very good at waiting.

Honestly, there are few things I hate more.

Going to the bank on my lunch hour makes me cringe, because I know how many people will be standing in that line.

Traffic stresses me out- which I'm pretty sure is one of the main reasons I moved out of Atlanta.

And I know I grow several grey hairs and overwork my gmail account by constantly checking my email after any kind of interview.

To me, waiting equals time lost.

Waiting is a punishment.

And so often, when it comes to the waiting we have to do in our life,

Waiting to meet that special someone,

Waiting to get that right job,

Waiting to have that child,

I think we view it as a a waste of precious time,

A punishment from the Lord.

I know I've often looked at my singleness through this lens.

"Think about all the memories we already could have shared if we had been that couple that met in high school,

Or college."

"Think about all those years that will be wasted, years not spent together."

And often, that kind of thinking starts to taint my picture of God,

And my understanding of His Love.

So, today, as I was reading a story in the Bible I've read so many times before,

One simple word caused me to step back,

And try and really see what God might be doing in this waiting.

Many of you have heard the story of Lazarus.

Lazarus, who was the brother of Mary and Martha was one of Jesus' best friends.

The Bible actually refers to Lazarus at "the one who Jesus loves".

Jesus had dined with Mary, Martha and Lazarus,

Rested with them,

Probably spent hours sitting around a table, talking and laughing.

So when Lazarus got deathly ill, Mary and Martha thought to send word to Jesus.

"Jesus, the one you love is sick".

And  when Jesus heard this He responded,

"This sickness will not end in death. No it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it".

And so Jesus stayed where He was.

He stayed put for two days.

And Lazarus died.

And, of course, Jesus returned to Lazarus' home and raised him from the dead shortly there after.

But if you were to just look at this first part of the story, it would be really easy to look at Jesus as heartless.

Why, when He could have saved Lazarus, did he wait and allow him to die?

Why did he cause Lazarus to suffer?

Why did he allow Mary and Martha to grieve for their only brother?

It sounds horribly cruel, unless you take the time to really look at two verses.

Really, one word in these two verses.

"Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was for two more days."

So.

That one little word changed the way I looked at this story, and the way I choose to look at my life.

Jesus' waiting was not a response of punishment.

No, Jesus' waiting was a response of love.

A response of knowing that what they were going to see,

What they were going to experience,

Would be so much greater then what they could even imagine.

Sure, He could have ran to Lazarus and healed him before He died.

But He was giving Lazarus, and Mary and Martha,

The chance to play an even bigger part in this story,

A chance to witness one of the greatest miracles He ever would perform.

A chance to really see, and experience the saving grace of Jesus.

So today, I'm choosing to look at the waiting in my life as the same.

A response of love.

A response of knowing that what I am going to see,

What I am going to experience,

Is so much greater then what I could have ever imagined.

That this time of waiting,

And anytime of waiting from here on out,

Is a response of love,

And a chance to really see,

And really experience,

The saving grace of Jesus.

The Simple Things

I'm a girl that has an appreciation for the simple things.

Fountain Diet Cokes make my day.

I squeal from excitement over a good Subway sandwich.

My dream date would consist of going to a car wash and getting the upgraded wash, with all the different colored waxes and hub cap shine.

But my most simple recent obsession has come in the form of a powder.

Powdered peanut butter, to be exact.

PB2 is a powdered peanut butter, that is simply dried and crushed peanuts, that has 85% less fat then regular peanut butter.

And all you have to do is add water.

Put  two tablespoons of PB2 in a bowl,

Add one tablespoon of water,

Stir,

And you have creamy, delicious, healthy peanut butter.

It's so simple,

Add water and stir,

And you're done.

Sometimes, I think I look at my relationship with God,

And the way He answers my prayers,

Like I look at PB2.

I should only have to do is pray about it,

And the work will be done.

Add water and stir.

Most recently, I've been praying that God will increase my faith.

Increase my faith in His love,

Increase my faith in His ability,

Increase my faith in His plan for my life.

And I'm not sure why, but somehow, in the midst of these prayers, I think I expected to just wake up one day and discover-

"Wow, overnight my faith has grown! I have doubts no more".

But instead,  God put me in situations that forced me to take a step back and think-

Am I really going to trust God in this?

How much do I believe?

And am I willing to wait and see how He is going to work?

I expected add water and stir peanut butter,

But instead, I got something much more complicated.

I discovered, that most of the time, God isn't just going to give us faith,

Or patience,

Or strength,

He's going to put us in messy,

And hard,

And complicated situations that require us to grow our faith,

And our patience,

And our strength.

And it's through this process that we become true followers,

Not just blind believers.

So tonight,

As I head downstairs to make my PB2 sandwich for lunch tomorrow,

I am grateful for the work,

And the tough situations,

And the messy circumstances.

Tonight, I choose to be grateful for the complicated,

Because it's the complicated that will in turn grow my faith.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything

Love Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

Valentine's Day has always been one of my favorite holidays.

Which is funny, because for most of my life, I haven't technically had a valentine.

I think I just enjoy that there is a holiday entirely devoted to love,

Entirely devoted to showing that special someone in your life that you care about them,

And entirely devoted to the purchasing, and eating, of chocolate.

I've always been a sucker for Valentine's Day.

But as last Valentine's Day came and went,

And I was single, yet again,

I made a pact,

A promise to myself,

A goal that I wanted to achieve.

"Next year, by Valentine's Day, I'm going to fall in love".

Which, when you think about it, is kind of a crazy goal.

How am I going to force myself to fall in love?

How am I going to control the universe and fulfill this pact with myself that when February 14th comes again, I will have someone to share it with.

And even though I recognize how ridiculous it sounds,

I think you would be hard pressed to find a woman who hasn't made a statement that sounds something a little like it

"By next Christmas I won't be single".

"When I turn 30, I'll have someone to share my birthday with".

"Next New Years Eve, I'll have someone to kiss at midnight".

And I guess I could look at the fact that I sit here on Valentine's Day, single,

And that I haven't fallen in love with the man of my dreams in the last 365 days,

And be upset,

And sad,

And drown my sorrows in the candy that will certainly be 50% off at CVS in the morning.

But, tonight, as I sit in my room,  I've looked back on the past year and realized-

I have fallen in love.

I've fallen in love time and time again.

I've fallen in love with a city, that has become so much more then a college town to me - it's become my home.

I've fallen in love with a two groups of women, who began as strangers, sitting awkwardly around a table, and became some of my closest friends, my partners in crime, the people that I turn to when I need a laugh or a hug.

I've fallen in love with skinny vanilla lattes.

I've fallen in love with my boxing class, and how it feels to have a really good sweat after a really hard workout.

I've fallen in love with a job that I walk into smiling, and leave smiling.

I've fallen in love with a group of co-workers, my "girl power" who have allowed me to open up my heart and share life with.

I've fallen in love with Cookout Milkshakes, so much so that I have to limit myself to them once a month.

I've fallen in love with being an aunt, and the gorgeous nephew that made that possible.

I've fallen in love with Saturdays in Athens.

I've fallen in love with a group of six year old cheerleaders that taught me way more then I ever could have taught them.

I've fallen in love with a group of high school freshman, who constantly keep me on my toes.

And most importantly, I've continued to fall in love with a God who loves me so perfectly, that all of these amazing blessings I just stated could only be a reflection of that love.

And yes,

I may not have an official "Valentine" tonight.

But I can say, with confidence, that I kept the promise I made to myself 365 days ago.

I'm Stepping Off The Boat

Today, I was thinking about how we judge our own worth.

How we judge our own significance.

How we judge, at the end of the day, if we just really measure up.

If we’re good enough.

If we’re worth it.

I think that everyone struggles with this idea,

But, I know as a woman, it’s something I deal with everyday.

If I don’t have a boyfriend, there must be something wrong with me.

If I don’t fit into those pants, I’m eating too much.

If I don’t have enough lines on my resume, I’m not working hard enough.

And some nights, when I lay down my head, the question arises-

“Am I enough?”

Am I good enough?

Smart enough?

Pretty enough?

And sometimes, I don’t know where to turn my eyes to find the answer to that question.

I know, the correct, Christian, “Sunday school answer” would be to simply look to the Lord,

Our worth is defined by his sheer, unadulterated love for us.

Our worth is defined by the cross.

And I believe that.

I really do.

But sometimes, it’s so easy to forget.

And sometimes, it’s easy to think that this struggle,

This struggle to define and solidify my worth, is something that only I have a problem with.

But this morning, this story about Peter showed me, and reminded me, that not only am I not the only one that needs reminding,

That even those that walked alongside Jesus doubted their worth,

And even when they were looking Jesus in the face, had a hard time believing that they were enough.

Here’s a little synopsis.

Jesus’ disciples were out on a boat, in the middle of a lake, in the middle of the night, and there was a storm.

Jesus, who had gone off praying by himself, was watching this whole scene go down, and so he decided to seize the opportunity, and walked out to the boat.

Literally, walk on the water, out to the boat,

Of course, the disciples were a little freaked out.

And Peter needed a little proof that Jesus was Jesus, and not some freaky, water walking ghost.

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Peter took his eyes off of Jesus for a moment, to look at all of the waves crashing around him and he forgot, that with Jesus, he was enough.

He forgot, that with Jesus he was worth it.

He forgot, that with Jesus, walking on water was not an impossible feat.

And so many times, I’m like Peter,

I look from side to side at what the world is telling me gives me worth,

And  I forget to look straight ahead at the one who calls my name every morning,

I look from side to side and allow myself to believe that I don’t measure up,

That I’m not worth it,

That I’m not enough,

Instead of looking straight ahead and remembering that my worth isn’t found in my relationship status,

Or my pant size,

Or the lines on my resume,

I choose to let those waves crash,

And the winds blow,

And get caught up in those lies.

So today, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who has a hard time always remembering that when I look ahead,

Step out of the boat,

And take the hand of the Lord through which grace is offered,

That this is where true worth is found.

Today's Prayer

We all say we want God to do something big in our lives.

We all want a miracle.

Everyone had that one thing in their life that it would take an act of The Lord to change. 

But when it comes to those really big things,

The things that only The Lord could control,

Sometimes, I find myself not praying for those things.

They seem too big,

And too impossible,

And when there are so many other things to pray for,

Sometimes those big, miracle type prayers, tend to be the prayers I add in if I have time.

And if I was going to be completely honest, sometimes I don't ask because I've asked before-

And nothing has happened.

I get frustrated,

And impatient,  

And I just give up.

But today, when I was reading in John, I had a moment of realization-

How many miracles have I missed getting to see God perform because I simply stopped asking,

Because I felt like it was hopeless?

Jesus was in Gailee and he decided to go down to a pool that was surrounded by five communities, a pool called Bethesda. 

Around that pool is where the disabled people in the community used to lie.

Ever so often, an angel of The Lord would come and stir up the waters and the first one into the pool after would be cured of whatever disease was ailing them.

Can you imagine the hopelessness that surrounded that pool?

People, who the communities all but cast out, laying around this pool, waiting for the chance, the miracle, to be the one person to be cleansed by those healing waters.

 

It was there that Jesus met an invalid, who had been suffering from his condition for 38 years. And when Jesus asked him if he wanted to be healed, he responded as so many of us often do when it comes to asking God for those big miracles. 

“I can’t, sir,” the sick man said, “for I have no one to put me into the pool when the water bubbles up. Someone else always gets there ahead of me.” (John 5:7 NLT)

This man had to have known that the person standing in front of him was Jesus. He had just  healed a dying boy in the same city.

People were talking about the miracles he had performed.

And this man was so frustrated,

So downtrodden,

So discouraged from 38 years of ailing that he didnt even say the simple words that we all would like to think we would say-

"Lord, I want to be healed. Heal me."

But really can we blame him?

If we had to wait for 38 years for a miracle, would we really think that today could be the day that our prayers would be answered?

But, what if it was?

What if today,

Today's prayer,

Was the one that God choose to answer.

What if today,

Today's prayer,

Was the one that got you that new job,

Or healed that illness,

Or brought back that prodigal son?

But because you were so frustrated,

Or so downtrodden,

Or so discouraged, 

You didn't take time to ask it.

You didn't see that the savior of the world was standing in front of you ready and able, to answer those prayers,

And create those miracles.

So today I choose to ask,

And believe,

Because you never know which prayer will be the one that turns the Lord's ear.

Get Out Of The Shallow End

I've only ever had one near death experience.

As an almost twenty five year old woman, I consider that a pretty good record.

But of course, as many of them do, this experience resulted from the fact that I'm stubborn,

And want to do what I want to do when I want to do it,

And I tend to think that I'm better at things then I sometimes am.

I was five.

And we were at a neighbors pool.

And I had on my gold sequined bathing suit, complete with green frog floaters on each chubby bicep.

My Mom and Dad had told me specifically to not go into the deep end.

They explained where the line was,

where the pool slowly started to shift from shallow, safe water,

to deep, head covering, scary water.

I understood the directions.

I knew the risks.

But then, something just looked better.

My brothers super soaker slowly floated farther, and farther away, down into the deep end.

And although I knew that I wasn't supposed to,

I really wanted that piece of plastic treasure.

So, I jumped.

And those green frog floaties were not ready to withstand the force of a chunky five year old with her eye on a water gun.

I sunk.

And suddenly,

everywhere I turned,

there was water.

Above my head,

below my feet,

in front,

behind,

to my left,

to my right.

I was completely immersed.

I was no longer in the safety of the shallow end, where I could merely dip my feet in, or walk up to my waist if I was afraid of getting wet.

Now, there was really no turning back.

Sometimes I think that we look at loving others in the same way that we look at a swimming pool.

There are two sides.

Shallow and safe love,

or deep, completely head covering, scary love.

Shallow love is easy.

It takes no commitment.

Get in a fight?

Simply walk to the side and get out.

Someone does something that hurts your feelings?

No problem.

You weren't completely invested anyway.

You didn't even get your hair wet.

The shallow end of love is safe. You're able to walk away anytime.

But it's when you take your relationships to that deep end,

where you're completely submerged,

and vulnerable,

and open,

that it gets scary.

And it gets real.

Tonight, when I was reading 1st Peter, Peter was trying to instruct the church on how to truly live for God.

And when it come to relationships with each other, he was very clear about what kind of love we were supposed to give.

8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Deep is defined as " penetrating to a depth; extending from back to front, side to side, and top to bottom"

We weren't called to love when it's easy.

We weren't called to love when it fits our schedule.

We aren't called to love on a surface level.

We're called to love when it's hard,

We're called to love when times get tough,

And we're called to break past the shallow conversations of day to day life,

And really get to the nitty gritty,

Where the real important parts of life lives.

We are called to love through and through,

Not just the part of each other that we like,

Not just the part that we can make time for between work and going to the gym.

We are called to love each other from back to front, side to side, and top to bottom.

Penetrating to a depth.

Sometimes the deep end is scary.

And sometimes it's easier to just stay in the shallow end.

But the deep end is where true loving, and true living begins.

And those of you who were worried, have no fear.

I was pulled out the pool.

But not before I got to experience the thrill that comes from taking that plunge into the deep end.

New Years Scrooge

There's something about New Years Eve that I just don't like.

Maybe it's because I'm not a huge night owl.

Maybe it's because as a child I had a fear of fireworks, that the ashes would rain down and light my hair on fire.

Maybe it's because at this point, I feel a little overwhelmed with celebration.

But when I start to really think about it, I think it's because New Years Eve is celebrating a year of unknown, a year which I have no idea what it will look like.

I know what 2013 held.

But when I try to imagine 2014, my mind starts to shut down from the number of sheer possibilities.

It's scary,

It's terrifying really.

And that's why I think New Years Eve might be God's favorite holiday.

It's they one time each year even the biggest control freak has to take a deep breath and realize,

That I have no control over the next 365 days of my life.

And I could fight against that,

Rebel,

Try to plan what might lay ahead,

Or I could simply sit back,

And look back on the blessings that the past year held,

And offer up the next 365 days,

No matter how scary,

No matter how terrifying,

To the God that has already planned out every minute of each of those days.

To the God that loves to surprise us,

And comfort us,

And walk beside us in each and every minute,

Every hour,

Of every day.

So tonight,

Whether I celebrate with sparklers and confetti, 

Or accidentally fall asleep on the couch,

I can celebrate in knowing that 2014 is already planned out for me, 

Each and every footstep.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. (Proverbs 16:9 NLT)