Miss Independent

I like to think I'm a pretty independent person.

( Cue " I'm Every Woman" by Whitney Houston. You know you love that song)

I love spending time by myself.

Moving seems like an adventure, not something to fear.

If you tell me I can't do something, it usually makes me want to do it more. ( Anyone remember butterfly clips? Everyone told me they wouldn't look good in a bowl cut. I continued to rock them until high school.)

And with this fierce independence, comes an equal amount of stubbornness.

Usually if I think something is wrong, I'm not going to do it, no matter the amount of peer pressure.

Generally, I know when to say no.

I like to think I have a pretty strong moral compass.

But, I haven't always been like that.

Once, upon a time, when hormones were high and self esteems were low, I wanted nothing more the to be liked by the "cool kids".

And I would do whatever it took to be a part of that group.

And there was one particular incident that still makes me sick to my stomach.

I don't think I'll ever forget it.


We were on a field trip in seventh grade.

And somehow, because all of the planets aligned, I got put in a group with the coolest girls in school.

And for some reason, they thought it was socially acceptable to talk to me.

We got to sit in the back of the bus.

We talked about the cutest boys in the grade.

One of the girls even tried to French braid my bowl cut ( this attempt was in vain).

Everything about that day was sheer Limited Too, Aeropostale, Teen Bop perfection.

Until, one of the girls pointed at someone to the front of the bus and said,

" Ew, guys did you see that girls shirt? How ugly does she look?"

Giggles and jokes filled the back of the bus.

"And what is with that haircut?"

" She looks like a donkey with those teeth".

The giggles grew louder. Soon everyone was turning around on the bus including the butt of all of the jokes.

And the butt of these jokes happened to be my friend.

My friend who talked to me when these girls ignored me.

My friend who shared her Lunchable with me, switching her bologna for my ham because she knew I liked it better.

The girl who had brought me tissues when these girls had brought me to tears with their jokes about my chubby frame.

I wish I could say I stood up to them.

I wish I could say I got up, left the back of the bus, and took my rightful place at the from with my true friends.

I wish I could say that.

But I didn't.

Instead, I laughed.

And as we got off the bus, I made donkey noises at the girl who had been nothing but kind to me.

And looking back on this day, as a grown adult, I think two things.

How could I have been so horrible?

And

If I has never sat in that seat,

On that bus,

With those girls,

Would I have said those terrible things?

Sometimes, no matter how good of a person we are, things get in the way.

Things lead us astray,

People try and get us to do things we would never have done otherwise.

Jesus knew this better the anyone.

6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. 7 Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come! 8 If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire. 9 And if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.

I know that sounds drastic.

Foot not working?

Cut it off.

Eye looking at something it shouldn't be?

Gouge that sucker out.

But, I don't think that's what Jesus was really telling us.

I think what Jesus was really telling us, is something that we all know, but choose to ignore.

There are people, or things, that cause us to sin.

There are people, or things, that may be too much for us to resist when they're right in front of us.

There are people, or things, for the sake of our walk with The Lord that we have to be behind.

And sometimes that will be hard.

And sometimes you will not want to do it.

And sometimes it'll be painful ( thus, the gouged out eye image).

But, it doesn't change the fact that it is completely and utterly necessary.

So, what is your limp foot?

And what is your wandering eye?

Is it that friend who brings out the worst in you?

That bar with those drinks you just can't resist?

That tv show you know you shouldn't be watching?

That boyfriend that tempts you just a little too much?

What is holding you back?

And are you willing to do something about it, no matter how hard,

Or how much you don't want to,

And no matter how painful?

And my dear sweet friend in the front row of the bus, if you happen to read this, I hope you know how truly sorry I am.

And I wish I had gouged out wandering eye and come and sat with you.

Only a true friend trades from their Lunchable.