Love List

This morning, I woke up ready to take on the world.

This morning, I woke up full of joy.

This morning, I woke up grateful.

Grateful for 5 AM alarm clocks.

Grateful for freshly made beds.

Grateful for a good long workout.

Grateful for the day ahead.

But suddenly, with one swift look in the mirror, that gratefulness was gone.

Something today, for some reason, just didn't meet my extremely high standards I set for myself.

And the thoughts started to rush through my head-

"You've worked out every day, why are your thighs still that size?"

"Maybe if you hadn't eaten ice cream for dinner two days this week,  you would feel better when you looked in the mirror."

"Time to start that next diet."

Just like that,

With one glance,

My joy,

My gratefulness,

Was gone.

I've recently begun reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp,

An amazingly crafted book about one women's search for joy,

For gratitude,

For thankfulness.

And as I sat reading this morning,

I realized,

How is it that I can find gratefulness for the small things in life,

The freshly made beds,

The long workouts of the worlds,

But yet,

I have such a hard time feeling that same gratefulness for my own body?

How is it that I can see and appreciate God's handiwork in what other's would call mundane,

But when I look in the mirror, I forget what I've preached to my friends,

And my high school girls,

And women in my small group,

Over and over again?

You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

You are handcrafted by the same God that aligned the stars,

You were designed by the same God that designed fireflies on warm summer nights,

And the Grand Canyon, in all of it's vast expansive wonder

And that first ray of sun, peeking through the clouds after it's rained for what feels like forever?

When did I forget to learn,

The same thing applies to me?

And when I read this section from One Thousand Gifts, I was reminded,

Reminded and inspired.

""I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little". ( Phillipians 4:11-12)

I read it many times, groping for the latch.

There it is- the secret to living joy in every situation, the full life of gratefulness. Twice Paul whispers it: " I have learned". Learned. I would have to learn gratefulness"".

Somehow, in my weight loss journey,

In my hunt for health,

I forget to step back and learn,

What, no matter what weight I'm at,

Do I love about myself?

What, no matter how many times I get to the gym that week?

Am I grateful for?

What, no matter what the size the tag in my jeans read,

Do I thank God for,

See as His handiwork,

Recognize as fearfully and wonderfully made?

So today, I choose to learn.

In One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp sets out to make a list of 1000 things she is grateful for,

1000 gifts.

Today, as self centered as it may sound,

I choose to learn what I love about myself.

I choose to make a list of things that I love, 

Not about my personality,

Not about my skills,

That would be easy,

That would be safe.

Today, I choose to make a list of things about my body, 

That I love.

That I see as wonderful,

That gives me a sense of gratefulness and awe,

That is scary,

And that is hard,

And gives me a pit in my stomach about actually posting this blog post.

But, I have to choose to learn.

I have to choose to remember.

I have to choose to believe.

That I was designed by the creator of the Universe.

Today I choose to learn,

To continue this list,

To practice gratefulness,

And joy.

Today I choose to learn to love.

I don't have a number of items on the list I want to reach.

I'm not sure it's really about the number.

I think it's more about my heart.

And so, in full honesty,

I choose to share my first five items on my love list.

My first step on my journey,

My choice to learn,

How to truly love.

Love List

1.My dimples,  and how deeply inset they are in my cheeks.

2.My small wrists,  that are, dare I say, dainty.

3. My eyelashes- they rock. Really, they're long and mascara loves them.

4. My legs, strong enough to do 40 burpee box jumps.

5.  My eyebrows, that never have to be filled in.


The posts on this site are my own personal opinions. They are not read or approved by Southside Ministries, Inc. prior to posting and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Southside Ministries, Inc.