Dreaming in Secret

Lately, I've been dreaming.

Dreaming about what life could hold.

Dreaming about where life could lead me.

Dreaming about what part I'm going to play in this story God is writing.

25 feels like an age of dreaming.

But it's an age of hidden dreaming.

Because honestly, I thought when I was 25 I was  supposed to have everything figured out.

I've  gotten through those rough years right after college,

The years where the "real world" felt huge and daunting, and I yearned for the safety of dorm rooms and dining halls.

I've had, and shortly after, quit my first big girl job, in search of something I truly loved.

I've gone back to school, and become a "master".

And during those three years, I barely took time to sit back and dream, because I was so busy chasing what I thought life was supposed to look like.

I was so busy chasing after life that I never took a step back to sit and dream about what I actually wanted my life to look like.

And now, I'm here, 25, and I've talked to my friends, and one thread seems to bind us all together.

None of us have anything figured out,

And all of us are too afraid to admit it.

We're so busy chasing after life that were afraid if we take a step back and say,

" Right now, I don't love my job, I'm not in my true calling, but I'm working hard everyday while I'm dreaming about what I want my life to look like"

We'll look unsuccessful,

Or lazy,

Or wasteful of that degree we spent so much money on that we're not even using.

We dream in secret, but then take no steps to create those dreams, out of fear someone will figure out that we have no idea what is going on.

We think- We're 25. Shouldn't I have this thing called life figured out by now?

And I have to wonder why we put so much pressure on ourselves when we have a God that loves dreaming.

We have a God that encourages dreaming.

We have a God that doesn't want us to dream in secret,

But gather together and use those passions and talents and skills He have us to be a part of His bigger story.

And sometimes, our role in that bigger story might not use our degree.

It might not use our past work experience.

It might simply use our passions,

Our goals,

And a lot of hard work to get where we finally want to be.

Take David for instance.

He became King.

He defeated a giant.

And the only skill set he had was knowing how to heard sheep.

And even when he knew he was destined for more,

Destined to become King and lead his country,

He had to continue to tend sheep while he prepared for his greater role.

Sometimes to lead a country, you need to start by knowing  how to take care of a pasture of sheep.

Sometimes to write the next great novel you may have to spend time writing down orders on a coffee cup.

Sometimes, to start that nonprofit, you have to start by taking a night class while simultaneously working your day job.

But you never will know what God might be preparing you for until you just admit that you have no idea what He's preparing you for.

But that you're continuing to dream,

And work,

And trust.

So, I'm 25.

And I'm dreaming about what I want life to look like.

And I'm working everyday,

And trusting that I serve a God that delights in all of those things.

I don't want 25 to be my year of secretly dreaming.

I want it to be a year of open dreaming, figuring out where my passions and gifts and skills truly lie,

And preparing for what God has in store.