I'm Stepping Off The Boat

Today, I was thinking about how we judge our own worth.

How we judge our own significance.

How we judge, at the end of the day, if we just really measure up.

If we’re good enough.

If we’re worth it.

I think that everyone struggles with this idea,

But, I know as a woman, it’s something I deal with everyday.

If I don’t have a boyfriend, there must be something wrong with me.

If I don’t fit into those pants, I’m eating too much.

If I don’t have enough lines on my resume, I’m not working hard enough.

And some nights, when I lay down my head, the question arises-

“Am I enough?”

Am I good enough?

Smart enough?

Pretty enough?

And sometimes, I don’t know where to turn my eyes to find the answer to that question.

I know, the correct, Christian, “Sunday school answer” would be to simply look to the Lord,

Our worth is defined by his sheer, unadulterated love for us.

Our worth is defined by the cross.

And I believe that.

I really do.

But sometimes, it’s so easy to forget.

And sometimes, it’s easy to think that this struggle,

This struggle to define and solidify my worth, is something that only I have a problem with.

But this morning, this story about Peter showed me, and reminded me, that not only am I not the only one that needs reminding,

That even those that walked alongside Jesus doubted their worth,

And even when they were looking Jesus in the face, had a hard time believing that they were enough.

Here’s a little synopsis.

Jesus’ disciples were out on a boat, in the middle of a lake, in the middle of the night, and there was a storm.

Jesus, who had gone off praying by himself, was watching this whole scene go down, and so he decided to seize the opportunity, and walked out to the boat.

Literally, walk on the water, out to the boat,

Of course, the disciples were a little freaked out.

And Peter needed a little proof that Jesus was Jesus, and not some freaky, water walking ghost.

28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29 “Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

Peter took his eyes off of Jesus for a moment, to look at all of the waves crashing around him and he forgot, that with Jesus, he was enough.

He forgot, that with Jesus he was worth it.

He forgot, that with Jesus, walking on water was not an impossible feat.

And so many times, I’m like Peter,

I look from side to side at what the world is telling me gives me worth,

And  I forget to look straight ahead at the one who calls my name every morning,

I look from side to side and allow myself to believe that I don’t measure up,

That I’m not worth it,

That I’m not enough,

Instead of looking straight ahead and remembering that my worth isn’t found in my relationship status,

Or my pant size,

Or the lines on my resume,

I choose to let those waves crash,

And the winds blow,

And get caught up in those lies.

So today, I find comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one who has a hard time always remembering that when I look ahead,

Step out of the boat,

And take the hand of the Lord through which grace is offered,

That this is where true worth is found.