Tongue Tied In Target Science

For being a fat kid, I always had a lot of confidence.

Need someone to make up a song about selling Girl Scout Cookies and sing it in front of the local Target?

I was your girl.

Skit night at Wednesday night bible study?

You better believe I was the first hand raised.

Elvis impersonation contest in the elementary school program on the cruise you went on with your family?

I took home that trophy and slept with it next to my bed every night.

But when it came to true confidence,

True freedom to talk to the one person I wanted to talk to the most,

I froze.

He sat next to me in middle school Target Social Studies.

He wore soccer shorts to school.

He could eat 10 corn dogs in a single sitting.

And I thought that the sun rose and set on this boys buzz cut head.

We had tons of things in common.

He liked soccer.

I had seen a soccer ball.

He was athletic.

I admired his athleticism.

He liked to listen to Eminem.

I had once listened to one song of Eminem before my Mom caught me and grounded me for a week.

We were clearly made for each other.

And to make matters even better, we had been paired to sit next to each other for the entire semester.

All I had to do was flip my bowl cut hair ( if that was even possible), bat my clear mascared, blue eyeshadow eyes and say something witty like-

" Cool trapper keeper. Want to borrow one of my Lisa Frank stickers?"

Or

"Did you see American Idol last night? Are you rooting for Justin or Kelly?"

Or even something simple as-

"Hey- I know we've been sitting next to each other all semester, and I've never spoken a word to you, but my name's Katie."

But no.

I said nothing.

Everyday I sat in silence, when I knew all I had to do was open my mouth, and say that one word-

Hello.

I think a lot of times, we act this way about talking to God.

This God is so big,

So mystical,

So unseeable,

That we get tongue tied.

We don't know what to say,

Or how to say it,

So we just say nothing at all.

And if this God is really as great,

And powerful,

And loving,

As everyone says He is, why should someone as small and worthless as me get to talk to Him?

And why would He even care about my small problems?

But Paul paints an amazing picture of the freedom that we have when we go to talk to The Lord.

"In him, and through faith in him, we may approach God with freedom and confidence" - Ephesians 3:12

Because of Jesus, we don't have to tiptoe to talk to God.

We don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing,

Or make sure that we look alright on the outside,

Or wonder if our problems are too small.

Because of Jesus, and his death on the cross, and the salvation we're offered through that, we can come to God with freedom,

And confidence.

Just as we are.

With all our flaws,

And small problems,

And blue eyeshadow,

And sit in the presence of the King.

And even if we've sat silent,

Waiting for the right time to talk to him,

When we finally decide to muster up the confidence,

And say that one small word-

Hello,

Even if we're not sure He'll even hear,

We can go to Him with the utmost confidence and freedom,

To say whatever is on our hearts.

Even if we think its something He may not want to hear,

That freedom is still allowed.

And to me, that is so precious,

And worth making that step.

Even if its been five years,

Or five weeks,

Or five minutes since I've taken that gift,

I have to wonder

Why sit in silence,

When the God of the Universe has given me the freedom to talk to Him?

And not only that, but I can do so with confidence that I am deeply and dearly loved?